CALA News & Views | Issue 49 | Top 5

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When Is It Time to Have That Difficult Conversation? We all have heard that inner voice telling us when we need to have a difficult conversation with someone, a conversation that, if it took place, would improve life and operations at the community for ourselves, our residents and their family members and our community staff. So why do we avoid difficult conversations? ● We convince ourselves that talking about the problem will make the problem worse. ● We fear that the cure may be worse than the disease. ● We are not sure where the conversation will end and we fear the consequences/retribution. ● We fear the possibility of "legal liabilities." Remember the saying: "If you don't say it, you'll show it." People pick up on unexpressed feelings or opinions surprisingly well and when they do, the way they perceive you changes without you being able to influence it.

How Do You Prepare for That Difficult Conversation? To prepare for the conversation, you need to be very clear about the issue(s) in dispute, you should ask yourself: ● What exactly is the issue/condition/behavior that is causing the problem? ● What is the impact that the issue/condition/ behavior is having on you, the resident or the community? What do you want to accomplish with this conversation? What is the desired outcome? What items are non-negotiable (because of Title 22 Regulations or company policy, research and know these restrictions). Determine who are the necessary participants for the conversation? Consider percipient knowledge, areas of expertise, effective communication skills and reputation for reasonable and fair decision making.

Where Do You Conduct That Difficult Conversation?

Plan but don't script. It may be helpful to jot down some notes and key points before your conversation, but drafting a script is a waste of time. Rarely will the other participants in the conversation know their lines. 3 2 How Did That Difficult Conversation Go? Reflect and learn from your handling

Choose the right place to have the conversation. Calling people into your office may not be the best strategy. Consider meeting in a private dining room or meeting room where you can sit adjacent to each other without your desk as a barrier.

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How Do You Conduct That Difficult Conversation? STEP #1 ADOPT AN ATTITUDE OF INQUIRY – Be open to hear what the other person has to say before reaching closure in your mind; learn as much as possible about the other person and his/her point of view; slow down and listen. STEP #2 KEEP TO THE TOPIC AT HAND – Focus on the topic of this conversation; do not bring up issues or complaints related to other topics or past events; make sure you understood what the other person has said before you respond. STEP #3 MANAGE THE EMOTIONS – Avoid finger-pointing or blaming, avoid name-calling, yelling, screaming, sarcasm, cursing, insults, or threats (emotional or physical); no interrupting and allow the other person to finish speaking before you respond; allow for possible time-outs. STEP #4 ADVOCACY – What is my primary message? How will I tell my story while maintaining a respectful and non-judgmental position? Ensure that your objective is fair and that you are using a consistent approach. Know what you want to accomplish. STEP #5 PROBLEM SOLVING – Approach the conversation with openness and an interest in problem solving rather than needing to be right or winning a competition. Find ways to be constructive by suggesting other solutions or alternatives. Don't end without clearly expressed action items.

of the difficult conversation. Examine what went well and

what didn't. Think about why you had certain reactions and what you might have said differently. Ask other participants from

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the community to evaluate the conversation. What would help us to avoid doing this again?

CALA NEWS & VIEWS I ISSUE 49 | MARCH 2024

Douglas Armstrong is Senior Vice President of Regulatory Affairs and Quality, Belmont Village, L.P.

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